Adoption Update!

Our home visit with the agency is on Sunday at 2:30!  Wooo-hooo!  That is the last of the "paperwork"!  Next step: matching a child with our family.  Total awesome-ness!

Ahhh...the Holidays are Here

Yesterday the school bus pulled up to the curb in front of our house.  The door opened and my two little gentlemen stepped down the three stairs and off the bus.  Their bus driver waived to me.  "Have a great weekend!" she said.

Thanksgiving is one day away.  We have a busier than usual holiday planned this year.  With our family living on the far north side an we living on the far south side of the country, family get-togethers and visits are far and few between.  However, this year we have been invited to feast with friends here in Texas for Thanksgiving, and we will be flying back to Wisconsin for Christmas.  All this to say, my mind is quite possibly "busier" than what is typical.

This morning my alarm went off at 5:50am.  Ten minutes left to snooze.  The boys' bus arrives at 6:45 to pick them up for school each day.  Sigh...5:54am.  Six minutes left.  Pray quickly...I've got to...so much to accomplish today.  Last day of school before the Thanksgiving holiday.  And who are we kidding?  Once Thanksgiving hits, Christmas becomes a blur and we are already into a new year!  6:08am.  I must have fallen asleep and slept through my alarm!  Grrr...OK, here we go!  Get the boys up. Noah is dragging, and Judah is such a grumpy bear!  Go to the bathroom. Judah is like a rag doll as I try to get him dressed.  "C'mon, work with me, Judah."  Left to get himself dressed with as little help as possible, we would be here until 9am!   Get them dressed.  Feed them breakfast.  Make their lunches.  Give Judah his seizure medication.  That's always a battle.  Get their socks and shoes on.  6:44am.  Bus is running late.  That's alright.  It will give me time to catch my breath.  Neil is in San Antonio, so I fly solo three days a weeks.  I miss him when he is gone.  6:46am.  Whew!  We made it!  I am waiting outside for the bus with Judah, and Noah is waiting upstairs as he playing with my cell phone.

Waiting.  6:48am.  Not usually this late, but sometimes it happens.  As I am sitting on the stoop with Judah on my lap waiting for the school bus to come, I am reviewing my "to do" list for the day.  Make a pumpkin cake roll for tomorrow, clean the carpets and upholstery, finish the laundry, and tie up any loose ends for Camp Grace, a Christmas event for families who have children with special needs.  Fortunately, there is a small team of us working on Camp Grace.  I love it!  6:55am.  Where is their bus?!

Then it dawns on me...

Yesterday the bus driver said, "have a good weekend".  I thought she was taking an extra day off and someone else would take her place today.  It's happened before.  Today is Wednesday...oh, boy.  I quickly left Judah sitting on the stoop in front and ran inside the house to check the school calendar.  Another big sigh.  Sure enough...

Yep! The holidays are here...beginning today!

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

"Wait a Minute...What am I Doing?!"

We have all had moments when we find ourselves saying "Aha! I think I understand now!"  Then there are those moments in life when we survey our circumstances, stop, declare, and ask, "Wait a minute!  What am I doing?!" 

When Neil and I were dating, we went to Six Flags Great America in Chicago where there was a ride appropriately called "The Dare Devil".  This is a free fall swing from 12.5 stories (150 feet) in the air.  I always loved the rush!  I had been cliff jumping off a forty foot ledge into the water at Devil's Lake in WI.  I had done mountain climbing and repelling the bluffs in British Columbia, Canada, and white water rafting in Calgary, Alberta. This ride greatly appealed to my sense of adventure! 

After being briefed of our instructions from the ride instructor, Neil and I were strapped in to a sort of "body sling" and began our 150 foot ascent.  We reviewed our instructions together on our way up.  "When the instructor says, 'Three-two-one...Fly', Neil pulls the cord, and we will free fall straight down.  OK, got it."  Once we hit about the 75 foot mark, the people below began looking a little too small for my comfort.  100 feet...and I had my "Wait a minute...what are we doing?" moment.  That is when Neil began to have a little fun with me. 

"I sure hope this thing works", he said with a half serious look on his face.  I looked at him with a questioning look.  125 feet and counting...

"I mean, do I pull this cord?  Or was it this one?"  I tried to stay cool, but I am sure my face all too readily revealed my concern.  150 feet.  We stopped.  Pause.  Then the instructor's voice came over the loud speaker.  "OK, Neil, 3-2-1...(another dramatic pause, and then...) FLY!"  Neil pulled the cord.  I am pretty sure I screamed.  I have to be honest, though, after that first swing through, I was loving it!  As the swing slowed down and by the time we got our feet back on the ground, I was ready for more!  A little too expensive for a second trip up and back, but the first one was definitely worth the thrill!

Since then, I have had a few of those "wait a minute...what am I doing" moments in life.  I've noticed that they usually come during times when I look around at the circumstances in life and feel I have no idea what I have gotten myself into. 

I am reminded of Peter who wanted to believe that it was really Jesus walking on the water towards him and his buddies in the boat in the middle of a storm.  Peter said to Jesus, "Lord, if that is really You, then tell me to come to You on the water."  Jesus said, "Come, Peter".  And Peter stood up in the boat.  He didn't think twice.  He stepped out onto the water and began walking towards Jesus.  (Matthew 14:22-31)

Who knows how far he really got before he realized what he was actually doing.  I think often we picture Peter about five to ten steps out on the water before he realized the gravity of his situation.  However, I wonder if he was a good fifty or a hundred feet out before he had a reality check, so to speak.  I wonder this because in my life, it seems God waits until I am in completely in over my head before my "reality check" hits me full in the face.  Once I am so far, there is no going back, leaving me with only two options: stop and sink or trust God for the outcome and keep moving forward.  I'm just speculating, but I kind of think Peter was out there a ways before he realized where he was and what he was doing.  He really couldn't pull a "Scooby-Doo", turn around and run back to the boat.  It was sink or look to the One who called him out there and keep moving forward. 

Peter was doing just fine...and then he had his moment, his "wait a minute; what am I doing" moment.  He said, "Lord, save me!"  He really didn't need saving.  He was already doing what he was called to do in that moment, which, in fact, was a miracle, but it all seemed quite normal until he looked around. 

The other night, I was lying down on our loveseat facing the wall with our family pictures.  The reality of my life began to settle into my mind.  I could see myself married, but having two kids?  Being a mom?  For some strange reason, that all of a sudden, that felt weird.  Then to top that, we have two children with special needs.  OK, that sunk a little deeper.  Then I began to think...we live in Texas...working with special needs...helping out on various teams in our church...reaching out to families and other churches...working and networking with respected organizations and ministries to further the Gospel...and adoption?!

In my past, I have been honoured to work with so many ministries, but they have all been short term -- a couple years here, a few years there.  Now, eight years into child rearing, there is NO going back!  I am in this for the long haul!  I had my "Wait a minute! What am I doing?" moment right there on the loveseat, and I flashed back to the few minutes of being hoisted up 12.5 stories in the air and those 30 seconds of panicky feelings in my chest right before Neil was told to pull the cord and "fly". 

I remembered when Neil pulled that cord, I screamed half way down, but once I realized I was safe in the midst of that free fall, I truly felt as though I was flying!  Once Peter realized he was safe in Jesus' arms, although Jesus asked him why he doubted, did his heart soar at what Jesus had called him to do?  I wonder if in that moment, Peter began to understand the contrast between how the calling of God in our lives supersedes the limitations that this life mandates.  We can see how the gravity of that truth seemed to sink into Peter's heart as we follow the rest of his life.  There is no need for fear, just obedience.  We can walk forward confidently trusting God for the ability to carry out His calling in our lives regardless of the circumstances.  Philippians 1:6 says,

"I am sure of this, that He who started a good work in you will carry it out to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

And there, finally, is my "aha" moment.

Update on the Adoption Process

Only a background check is left to do!  Woo-hoo!  This could actually take a couple of months to get back, but, hey, we are almost there...finally.  This second time around in getting our home study done has really been a challenge.  We have been much busier this year, and this time, the home study has required more paperwork from us than our last one.  To be completely honest, sometimes the motivation isn't there, either.  I love my family the way it is.  Why change what I love already?  The answer to that question is simple: we will be changing what we love for something we will love even more!  On that note, we are seeing the light at the end of this tunnel and, personally, I am nervous and excited all at once.  I am nervous about the changes that will take place in our family and home, but I am excited to see how God is going to bless it all! 

Getting a Grip

One of the things I am beginning to grasp a little bit is regarding persecution.  Frankly, I always figured that we Americans really don't have a clue when it comes to persecution, but I am rethinking that now.  True, we are not beaten and whipped or starved and kept in little cages or forced into labour, but we are persecuted. 

God was speaking to Moses regarding laws of holiness in Leviticus 19.  Verse 18 says "Do not take  revenge or bear a grudge against members of your community, but love your neighbor as yourself; I am the LORD."  In Matthew 19:19 Jesus was quoting a few of the ten commandments from Exodus 20 as He was conversing with the rich young ruler regarding what he must do to get to heaven (note that this is not Jesus complete answer to the young man in this passage).  Verse 19, as quoted, says "Honor your father and your mother; and love your neighbor as yourself."   Galatians 5 is all about the freedom of the Christian and what it is to live freely in Christ.  Paul was writing to the church in Galatia pertaining to everyday Christan living being based on freedom from the law of sin and living by the power of the Holy Spirit.  Verses 13-15 says, "For you are called to freedom, brothers; only don't use this freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but serve one another through love.  For the entire law is fulfilled in one statement; 'Love your neighbor as yourself'.  But if you bite and devour one another, watch out or you will be consumed by one another."  (HCSB)

If (when) my neighbor decides to treat me or a family member like a stray dog who keeps messing on the lawn and my response is anything less than Christ-like, the situation is nothing more than one of life's pains in the...(ahem) "hind quarters".  Even if the situation escalates for whatever reason, if my reaction is towards satisfaction of my offended self, whether truly justified or not, it is still just two "neighbors" spatting.  On the other hand, if my response to my neighbor is one that wordlessly preaches the Gospel of Christ, and if he is a believer, I can trust the Holy Spirit to move my neighbor's heart towards Him, and I have then encouraged a brother, or sister, in Christ to draw closer to Him.  Contrarily, if my neighbor is not a believer, he will have the chance to see Christ through my actions and responses.  If the situation escalates because I am choosing to respond "Christ" to him, that would be persecution.  That doesn't mean that I allow anyone to speak into my life or the life of a family member any way he chooses.  I need to stand for what is right and protect my children from people who do not speak "life words" into my children's lives.  Granted, both of my sons will need to know how to respond on their own at some point, but right now, being at such a vulnerable age, I need to protect them as much as possible.  I can also trust God to protect my children (and me or my husband) when I am unable and to bridle my tongue when appropriate, and give me the correct words  -and tone!-  when necessary. 

I wonder how many situations I have demanded justice by getting in the last cutting word instead of choosing to wait and trust the Holy Spirit for my response.  And if the situation escalates or continues because I have put myself in the back seat (or the trunk, as too often is the need in my case) and allowed the Holy Spirit to take over, then it truly is Christ being persecuted and not me. 
 

The other thing I am beginning to understand a little better is that because nothing happens without God's permission, I need to trust Him for everything that happens with His permission.  If He (and He does) wants me to draw closer to Him, then these types of circumstances are not to be perceived as just one of life's hardships or "trials", but as opportunities for me to learn to trust Him.  These are times when I must step back and listen to what He would have me say and/or do before I put in my two cents worth, or two dollars, for that matter.  Is what I have to say really so important?  Will I be speaking "life" into my neighbor as I vent my displeasure at how I or a family member is treated?  Will I be adding to my neighbor's mood and fueling that fire, or will I be sparking embers of the love and truth of Christ to him? 
 

Yep, I am seeing a darker place in my heart.  I am much less angry in many situations, but I am still rolling my eyes a LOT.  I am sorry and ashamed to admit it.  During these moments, I see that I am "in the wrong".  Now, I see that I am not just "in the wrong" with my anger.  I see a dark, ugly place in my heart.  The word "putrid" comes to mind.  Green and slimy, not like a cute little frog, but "icky".  That begins to sum up how my heart looks. I have been asking God to change my heart; show me what He sees. Sometimes it is against my will to want to see what He sees, but I want my will to change to the will of His heart.  That is my prayer.   That is where I am now.  A much better place, but...sigh, what can I say?  I am still rolling my eyes!  I wonder is Jesus ever rolled His eyes...bet He did when someone told a stupid joke!