My Rant; I am Throwing Down a Challenge

Well, it has been six months since my last blog.  Too long!  Honestly, I have been involved in another writing project.  I will let you know if it gets published.  I am still in the process.

Today I took Noah and Judah to the playground.  We were there for around thirty minutes before it began to get a little too crowded for my boys.  Noah was ready to go, so we made the two minute drive up the road to another playground, rarely used.  Perfect.  There was no one there, not that a handful of other children would have been a bad thing.  We parked.  The boys got out.  They began playing.  Another vehicle pulled up and parked.  A whole family with two younger children got out.  The dad came and sat at my picnic table to watch his wife, daughter (about five years old), and son (about three years old) play.  All was well until...

Noah approached me at the picnic table and said in his quiet, sweet voice, "Swing?"

"You may go swing, Noah."  He stood there looking at me.  "Noah, what else you would like?" I asked him, knowing that he wanted me to push him.

"Mommy, come", he said.  This is his way of asking for help.

I got up and walked over to the swings with him.  I greeted the other mom on the way with a cheerful "good morning".  She smiled back and returned my greeting.  Once Noah was on the swing, I began pushing.  He was loving it!  Judah saw us and trotted over to join us.  Judah directed me over to the swing he had chosen by taking my hand and guiding me. I helped him up and began pushing Judah. He laughed and laughed as I kept pushing him higher and higher.  I looked over at the other children playing on the slides and jungle gym.  They were, also, having a great time.  And so was I!

By this point, I think it was pretty obvious that by the way my boys communicated and how they got SO excited over swinging that they were children with special needs.  The other mom had gone over to sit next to her husband at the picnic table where I was previously sitting.  They had been there maybe fifteen minutes from the time they pulled up in their vehicle.  Then the dad called over to his kids.  Mom helped round them up.  I watched, a little confused why they were leaving so soon.  He became very stern with them.  Then the little girl asked, "Why are we leaving?'

"We are going to check out another playground", he stated in a matter-of-fact tone.  Then they left.

How do I take this?

When we lived in Iowa, with the exception of my MOPS group of moms, everytime I took my sons to a playground to play and other moms were there with their children, inevitably a mom would notice Noah's odd behavior.  When I explained that he has autism, without fail, the other moms would collect their kids and leave our area.  One time, there were two moms, who were friends, that brought their children to the playground to play.  They were prepared to stay for quite awhile.  I only knew this because they had their packs of food and coolers of drinks with them.  The kids had taken their shoes off and were running around and playing tag on the monkey bars and slides.  One of the moms, who had been observing Noah for a number of minutes, asked me, "What is he doing?  Why is he flapping his arms like that?"

"He is just really excited", I responded.  "He really enjoys being around other children, and he is having fun watching them play."

Not five minutes later, the moms had packed up their children and went to another part of the park to play.  It was strange to me because they left their packs and coolers right where they were, as though they were going to come back for them.  "Oh, well," I thought.

About thirty minutes later, Noah and Judah were ready to go home.  I gathered them together and loaded them in our Durango.  As I was pulling out, I saw the two moms and all their kids coming back to the play area and settle into their former routine and games.

Once...okay, it is probably in my head, and I am being hyper-sensitive.  Twice...coincidence?  Every time?  Yep, I am taking it personally now.  It hasn't happened in five years, that is, until today.

So, there is my "rant".  Now for my challenge.

I have to say one thing to all those who are afraid of individuals with special needs: they are NOT poisonous, contagious, or toxic to the environment.  I really don't mean to be rude.  I completely understand being intimidated from not knowing what to say or do.  I understand ignorance at not knowing what to expect or anticipate.  Fear can come from that, right there.  What I don't understand is the total rejection without batting an eye.  I don't understand making an individual, or whole family for that matter, feel like a cow patty in the middle of a field in farming country: insignificant, undesirable, unwanted, and at all costs, something to be avoided.  It boils down to pride and self-centeredness.  I challenge you to go a little beyond your comfort zone when you come across someone with special needs.  Odds are they have been rejected their entire life and are used to that "special treatment".  If for just five minutes, take time to smile and say "hello" or hold a door open.  Make them feel not just "special", but valued.  Who doesn't want that?

Sometimes I wonder if people are thinking, "What will people think of me if I talk to that person?"  Lol...really?  My question to you is, "What will they think if you don't?"  On one hand, people will either think negatively of you (but not too negatively because they would have done the same thing) if you do or say nothing...that is, if they actually think anything of you at all.  Let's face it, most of the time, people aren't thinking about what you are doing or saying, unless it affects them in some way.  On the other hand, if you, for a moment gave an individual with special needs the time of day for only two minutes to smile and say "hello", people around you will feel good.  They will admire you for being somewhat heroic and standing out among the rest that just turn their heads the other way.  But mostly, a simple "hello" is what many individuals with special needs are craving.  Just like you, they want to be noticed for who they are, be accepted for their strengths and challenges, and above all, be valued for their existence.

If you are truly afraid of saying or doing something wrong, feel free to ask questions.  It is NOT offensive to ask questions.  People are longing for someone to ask about themselves!  Do you like to talk about yourself?  How would you feel if everyone completely avoided you thinking they just might say the wrong thing?  What if you became the "elephant in the room" that everyone knew was there, but no one would talk about or talk to?  Don't be timid to ask about their disability.  Ask about it!  Ask parents about their children with special needs.  Ask how they "do it" on a daily basis.  "What is life like" for them?   Try looking at those with special needs as a different culture, not another world.  People with special needs think and feel the same way you do; they just have more daily challenges facing them than a typical person does.  Ask about those challenges.  Ask about their daily routines.  Bottom line: learn about someone else who is a little different, but mostly the same, as you are.

To churches, I have one last challenge.  We have attended a number of churches in the past 10.5 years of marriage.  Very few have anything to do with individuals with special needs.  Why is that?  This goes far beyond the playground.  There is absolutely no reason why a church would have no members with special needs in their congregation.  I humbly and passionately submit, to be a church that does not embrace and welcome members in their community with special needs into their congregation, is wrong on SO many levels.  Unless there are no people with special needs in your city (and since 1 in 6 are diagnosed with something, I would be pretty skeptical of that), then the church absolutely should have a place for the special needs community.

We attended a church that placed our boys in a room by themselves, separate from the other children, and offered very little to no interaction at all.  We attended a church that told a dear friend of mine not to bring her nephew back because they were not equipped to "handle" a four-year-old with Downs Syndrome. I have sat with church leadership in various churches and heard many stories of them having to turn families away because they were not "equipped" for individuals with special needs, especially children.  I have listened to peers who have children with special needs who were turned away at various churches because that church didn't know what to do with the child with autism, the child with auditory processing disorder, the child with sensory integration issues.  My response to that is "Get equipped!"

Who are we, as the body of Christ, more like:  the disciples who didn't quite always understand the heart of Christ?  When the children raced to see Jesus and the disciples tried to hold them back, Jesus said, "Let the children come to Me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God" (*Mark 10:14).

Are we more like the Pharisees who made sure they looked like they had it all together?  "And a man with a shriveled hand was there.  Looking for a reason to accuse Jesus, they asked Him, 'Is is lawful to heal on the Sabbath day?' that they might accuse Him.  And He said to them, 'What man shall there be of you, that shall have one sheep, and if this fall into a pit on the Sabbath day, will he not lay hold on it, and lift it out?  How much then is a man of more value than a sheep!' (*Matthew 12:10-12).

Or are we more like the self-serving crowd of people who wanted to get a better look at Jesus, having no regard for others in the crowd who wanted to touch or be with the Christ?  And a woman having an issue of blood twelve years, who had spent all her living upon physicians, and could not be healed of any, came behind Him, and touched the border of His garment; and immediately the issue of her blood stanched (was healed).  And Jesus said, 'Who is it that touched Me?'  And when all denied, Peter said, and they that were with him, 'Master, the multitudes press You and crush You.'  But Jesus said, 'Some one did touch Me' for I perceived that power  had gone forth from Me.  And when the woman saw that she was no hid, she came trembling, and falling down before Him declared in the presence of all the people for what cause she touched Him, and how she was healed immediately.  And He said to her, 'Daughter, your faith has made you whole; go in peace." (*Luke 8:43-48).

Or are we more like Jesus Christ?  Jesus touched and healed the blind, the deaf, the leper, the broken in body and in spirit.  Jesus healed those who couldn't walk.  He welcomed the those who had special needs of the body and of the heart.  Why would we, as the body of Christ, the ones who are supposed to represent and reflect Jesus Christ to those who don't personally know Him, turn certain people groups away?  Selfishness (not wanting to leave our comfort zones for sake of our convenience and ease)?  Fear of looking inadequate (pride)?  There are many reasons.  My challenge here is to get beyond ourselves in order to see and reach those who are standing right next to us.

*Scripture is copied from the English Standard Version of the Bible.  I changed the word "thee" to "you" and capitalized the pronouns referring to Christ.