My Rant; I am Throwing Down a Challenge

Well, it has been six months since my last blog.  Too long!  Honestly, I have been involved in another writing project.  I will let you know if it gets published.  I am still in the process.

Today I took Noah and Judah to the playground.  We were there for around thirty minutes before it began to get a little too crowded for my boys.  Noah was ready to go, so we made the two minute drive up the road to another playground, rarely used.  Perfect.  There was no one there, not that a handful of other children would have been a bad thing.  We parked.  The boys got out.  They began playing.  Another vehicle pulled up and parked.  A whole family with two younger children got out.  The dad came and sat at my picnic table to watch his wife, daughter (about five years old), and son (about three years old) play.  All was well until...

Noah approached me at the picnic table and said in his quiet, sweet voice, "Swing?"

"You may go swing, Noah."  He stood there looking at me.  "Noah, what else you would like?" I asked him, knowing that he wanted me to push him.

"Mommy, come", he said.  This is his way of asking for help.

I got up and walked over to the swings with him.  I greeted the other mom on the way with a cheerful "good morning".  She smiled back and returned my greeting.  Once Noah was on the swing, I began pushing.  He was loving it!  Judah saw us and trotted over to join us.  Judah directed me over to the swing he had chosen by taking my hand and guiding me. I helped him up and began pushing Judah. He laughed and laughed as I kept pushing him higher and higher.  I looked over at the other children playing on the slides and jungle gym.  They were, also, having a great time.  And so was I!

By this point, I think it was pretty obvious that by the way my boys communicated and how they got SO excited over swinging that they were children with special needs.  The other mom had gone over to sit next to her husband at the picnic table where I was previously sitting.  They had been there maybe fifteen minutes from the time they pulled up in their vehicle.  Then the dad called over to his kids.  Mom helped round them up.  I watched, a little confused why they were leaving so soon.  He became very stern with them.  Then the little girl asked, "Why are we leaving?'

"We are going to check out another playground", he stated in a matter-of-fact tone.  Then they left.

How do I take this?

When we lived in Iowa, with the exception of my MOPS group of moms, everytime I took my sons to a playground to play and other moms were there with their children, inevitably a mom would notice Noah's odd behavior.  When I explained that he has autism, without fail, the other moms would collect their kids and leave our area.  One time, there were two moms, who were friends, that brought their children to the playground to play.  They were prepared to stay for quite awhile.  I only knew this because they had their packs of food and coolers of drinks with them.  The kids had taken their shoes off and were running around and playing tag on the monkey bars and slides.  One of the moms, who had been observing Noah for a number of minutes, asked me, "What is he doing?  Why is he flapping his arms like that?"

"He is just really excited", I responded.  "He really enjoys being around other children, and he is having fun watching them play."

Not five minutes later, the moms had packed up their children and went to another part of the park to play.  It was strange to me because they left their packs and coolers right where they were, as though they were going to come back for them.  "Oh, well," I thought.

About thirty minutes later, Noah and Judah were ready to go home.  I gathered them together and loaded them in our Durango.  As I was pulling out, I saw the two moms and all their kids coming back to the play area and settle into their former routine and games.

Once...okay, it is probably in my head, and I am being hyper-sensitive.  Twice...coincidence?  Every time?  Yep, I am taking it personally now.  It hasn't happened in five years, that is, until today.

So, there is my "rant".  Now for my challenge.

I have to say one thing to all those who are afraid of individuals with special needs: they are NOT poisonous, contagious, or toxic to the environment.  I really don't mean to be rude.  I completely understand being intimidated from not knowing what to say or do.  I understand ignorance at not knowing what to expect or anticipate.  Fear can come from that, right there.  What I don't understand is the total rejection without batting an eye.  I don't understand making an individual, or whole family for that matter, feel like a cow patty in the middle of a field in farming country: insignificant, undesirable, unwanted, and at all costs, something to be avoided.  It boils down to pride and self-centeredness.  I challenge you to go a little beyond your comfort zone when you come across someone with special needs.  Odds are they have been rejected their entire life and are used to that "special treatment".  If for just five minutes, take time to smile and say "hello" or hold a door open.  Make them feel not just "special", but valued.  Who doesn't want that?

Sometimes I wonder if people are thinking, "What will people think of me if I talk to that person?"  Lol...really?  My question to you is, "What will they think if you don't?"  On one hand, people will either think negatively of you (but not too negatively because they would have done the same thing) if you do or say nothing...that is, if they actually think anything of you at all.  Let's face it, most of the time, people aren't thinking about what you are doing or saying, unless it affects them in some way.  On the other hand, if you, for a moment gave an individual with special needs the time of day for only two minutes to smile and say "hello", people around you will feel good.  They will admire you for being somewhat heroic and standing out among the rest that just turn their heads the other way.  But mostly, a simple "hello" is what many individuals with special needs are craving.  Just like you, they want to be noticed for who they are, be accepted for their strengths and challenges, and above all, be valued for their existence.

If you are truly afraid of saying or doing something wrong, feel free to ask questions.  It is NOT offensive to ask questions.  People are longing for someone to ask about themselves!  Do you like to talk about yourself?  How would you feel if everyone completely avoided you thinking they just might say the wrong thing?  What if you became the "elephant in the room" that everyone knew was there, but no one would talk about or talk to?  Don't be timid to ask about their disability.  Ask about it!  Ask parents about their children with special needs.  Ask how they "do it" on a daily basis.  "What is life like" for them?   Try looking at those with special needs as a different culture, not another world.  People with special needs think and feel the same way you do; they just have more daily challenges facing them than a typical person does.  Ask about those challenges.  Ask about their daily routines.  Bottom line: learn about someone else who is a little different, but mostly the same, as you are.

To churches, I have one last challenge.  We have attended a number of churches in the past 10.5 years of marriage.  Very few have anything to do with individuals with special needs.  Why is that?  This goes far beyond the playground.  There is absolutely no reason why a church would have no members with special needs in their congregation.  I humbly and passionately submit, to be a church that does not embrace and welcome members in their community with special needs into their congregation, is wrong on SO many levels.  Unless there are no people with special needs in your city (and since 1 in 6 are diagnosed with something, I would be pretty skeptical of that), then the church absolutely should have a place for the special needs community.

We attended a church that placed our boys in a room by themselves, separate from the other children, and offered very little to no interaction at all.  We attended a church that told a dear friend of mine not to bring her nephew back because they were not equipped to "handle" a four-year-old with Downs Syndrome. I have sat with church leadership in various churches and heard many stories of them having to turn families away because they were not "equipped" for individuals with special needs, especially children.  I have listened to peers who have children with special needs who were turned away at various churches because that church didn't know what to do with the child with autism, the child with auditory processing disorder, the child with sensory integration issues.  My response to that is "Get equipped!"

Who are we, as the body of Christ, more like:  the disciples who didn't quite always understand the heart of Christ?  When the children raced to see Jesus and the disciples tried to hold them back, Jesus said, "Let the children come to Me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God" (*Mark 10:14).

Are we more like the Pharisees who made sure they looked like they had it all together?  "And a man with a shriveled hand was there.  Looking for a reason to accuse Jesus, they asked Him, 'Is is lawful to heal on the Sabbath day?' that they might accuse Him.  And He said to them, 'What man shall there be of you, that shall have one sheep, and if this fall into a pit on the Sabbath day, will he not lay hold on it, and lift it out?  How much then is a man of more value than a sheep!' (*Matthew 12:10-12).

Or are we more like the self-serving crowd of people who wanted to get a better look at Jesus, having no regard for others in the crowd who wanted to touch or be with the Christ?  And a woman having an issue of blood twelve years, who had spent all her living upon physicians, and could not be healed of any, came behind Him, and touched the border of His garment; and immediately the issue of her blood stanched (was healed).  And Jesus said, 'Who is it that touched Me?'  And when all denied, Peter said, and they that were with him, 'Master, the multitudes press You and crush You.'  But Jesus said, 'Some one did touch Me' for I perceived that power  had gone forth from Me.  And when the woman saw that she was no hid, she came trembling, and falling down before Him declared in the presence of all the people for what cause she touched Him, and how she was healed immediately.  And He said to her, 'Daughter, your faith has made you whole; go in peace." (*Luke 8:43-48).

Or are we more like Jesus Christ?  Jesus touched and healed the blind, the deaf, the leper, the broken in body and in spirit.  Jesus healed those who couldn't walk.  He welcomed the those who had special needs of the body and of the heart.  Why would we, as the body of Christ, the ones who are supposed to represent and reflect Jesus Christ to those who don't personally know Him, turn certain people groups away?  Selfishness (not wanting to leave our comfort zones for sake of our convenience and ease)?  Fear of looking inadequate (pride)?  There are many reasons.  My challenge here is to get beyond ourselves in order to see and reach those who are standing right next to us.

*Scripture is copied from the English Standard Version of the Bible.  I changed the word "thee" to "you" and capitalized the pronouns referring to Christ.

Home Study Paperwork Completed

Our home visit went really well.  Jennifer, the lady from the adoption agency, stayed for nearly three hours.  The visit was pleasant and unstressful (is that a word?).  She asked all kinds of questions like, "How were you disciplined growing up and how does that compare or contrast with the way you approach discipline with your children now?  How do you handle stress?  What was the most traumatic experience in your childhood?  Do you have a good support network of family and friends who are geographically close?  What was your relationship to your parents like growing up, and what is your relationship to them like now?"  These are just a few of many.  All in all, it was kind of fun answering some of these questions.  Some questions were quite thought provoking, but there weren't any that Neil and I had never discussed.  That made it easier, for sure!

Next step: the agency will write their report and begin finding matches of children for our family.   Neil and I have already been online looking at various children's profiles.  I am SO glad we have an agency working with us this time!

Adoption Update!

Our home visit with the agency is on Sunday at 2:30!  Wooo-hooo!  That is the last of the "paperwork"!  Next step: matching a child with our family.  Total awesome-ness!

Ahhh...the Holidays are Here

Yesterday the school bus pulled up to the curb in front of our house.  The door opened and my two little gentlemen stepped down the three stairs and off the bus.  Their bus driver waived to me.  "Have a great weekend!" she said.

Thanksgiving is one day away.  We have a busier than usual holiday planned this year.  With our family living on the far north side an we living on the far south side of the country, family get-togethers and visits are far and few between.  However, this year we have been invited to feast with friends here in Texas for Thanksgiving, and we will be flying back to Wisconsin for Christmas.  All this to say, my mind is quite possibly "busier" than what is typical.

This morning my alarm went off at 5:50am.  Ten minutes left to snooze.  The boys' bus arrives at 6:45 to pick them up for school each day.  Sigh...5:54am.  Six minutes left.  Pray quickly...I've got to...so much to accomplish today.  Last day of school before the Thanksgiving holiday.  And who are we kidding?  Once Thanksgiving hits, Christmas becomes a blur and we are already into a new year!  6:08am.  I must have fallen asleep and slept through my alarm!  Grrr...OK, here we go!  Get the boys up. Noah is dragging, and Judah is such a grumpy bear!  Go to the bathroom. Judah is like a rag doll as I try to get him dressed.  "C'mon, work with me, Judah."  Left to get himself dressed with as little help as possible, we would be here until 9am!   Get them dressed.  Feed them breakfast.  Make their lunches.  Give Judah his seizure medication.  That's always a battle.  Get their socks and shoes on.  6:44am.  Bus is running late.  That's alright.  It will give me time to catch my breath.  Neil is in San Antonio, so I fly solo three days a weeks.  I miss him when he is gone.  6:46am.  Whew!  We made it!  I am waiting outside for the bus with Judah, and Noah is waiting upstairs as he playing with my cell phone.

Waiting.  6:48am.  Not usually this late, but sometimes it happens.  As I am sitting on the stoop with Judah on my lap waiting for the school bus to come, I am reviewing my "to do" list for the day.  Make a pumpkin cake roll for tomorrow, clean the carpets and upholstery, finish the laundry, and tie up any loose ends for Camp Grace, a Christmas event for families who have children with special needs.  Fortunately, there is a small team of us working on Camp Grace.  I love it!  6:55am.  Where is their bus?!

Then it dawns on me...

Yesterday the bus driver said, "have a good weekend".  I thought she was taking an extra day off and someone else would take her place today.  It's happened before.  Today is Wednesday...oh, boy.  I quickly left Judah sitting on the stoop in front and ran inside the house to check the school calendar.  Another big sigh.  Sure enough...

Yep! The holidays are here...beginning today!

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

"Wait a Minute...What am I Doing?!"

We have all had moments when we find ourselves saying "Aha! I think I understand now!"  Then there are those moments in life when we survey our circumstances, stop, declare, and ask, "Wait a minute!  What am I doing?!" 

When Neil and I were dating, we went to Six Flags Great America in Chicago where there was a ride appropriately called "The Dare Devil".  This is a free fall swing from 12.5 stories (150 feet) in the air.  I always loved the rush!  I had been cliff jumping off a forty foot ledge into the water at Devil's Lake in WI.  I had done mountain climbing and repelling the bluffs in British Columbia, Canada, and white water rafting in Calgary, Alberta. This ride greatly appealed to my sense of adventure! 

After being briefed of our instructions from the ride instructor, Neil and I were strapped in to a sort of "body sling" and began our 150 foot ascent.  We reviewed our instructions together on our way up.  "When the instructor says, 'Three-two-one...Fly', Neil pulls the cord, and we will free fall straight down.  OK, got it."  Once we hit about the 75 foot mark, the people below began looking a little too small for my comfort.  100 feet...and I had my "Wait a minute...what are we doing?" moment.  That is when Neil began to have a little fun with me. 

"I sure hope this thing works", he said with a half serious look on his face.  I looked at him with a questioning look.  125 feet and counting...

"I mean, do I pull this cord?  Or was it this one?"  I tried to stay cool, but I am sure my face all too readily revealed my concern.  150 feet.  We stopped.  Pause.  Then the instructor's voice came over the loud speaker.  "OK, Neil, 3-2-1...(another dramatic pause, and then...) FLY!"  Neil pulled the cord.  I am pretty sure I screamed.  I have to be honest, though, after that first swing through, I was loving it!  As the swing slowed down and by the time we got our feet back on the ground, I was ready for more!  A little too expensive for a second trip up and back, but the first one was definitely worth the thrill!

Since then, I have had a few of those "wait a minute...what am I doing" moments in life.  I've noticed that they usually come during times when I look around at the circumstances in life and feel I have no idea what I have gotten myself into. 

I am reminded of Peter who wanted to believe that it was really Jesus walking on the water towards him and his buddies in the boat in the middle of a storm.  Peter said to Jesus, "Lord, if that is really You, then tell me to come to You on the water."  Jesus said, "Come, Peter".  And Peter stood up in the boat.  He didn't think twice.  He stepped out onto the water and began walking towards Jesus.  (Matthew 14:22-31)

Who knows how far he really got before he realized what he was actually doing.  I think often we picture Peter about five to ten steps out on the water before he realized the gravity of his situation.  However, I wonder if he was a good fifty or a hundred feet out before he had a reality check, so to speak.  I wonder this because in my life, it seems God waits until I am in completely in over my head before my "reality check" hits me full in the face.  Once I am so far, there is no going back, leaving me with only two options: stop and sink or trust God for the outcome and keep moving forward.  I'm just speculating, but I kind of think Peter was out there a ways before he realized where he was and what he was doing.  He really couldn't pull a "Scooby-Doo", turn around and run back to the boat.  It was sink or look to the One who called him out there and keep moving forward. 

Peter was doing just fine...and then he had his moment, his "wait a minute; what am I doing" moment.  He said, "Lord, save me!"  He really didn't need saving.  He was already doing what he was called to do in that moment, which, in fact, was a miracle, but it all seemed quite normal until he looked around. 

The other night, I was lying down on our loveseat facing the wall with our family pictures.  The reality of my life began to settle into my mind.  I could see myself married, but having two kids?  Being a mom?  For some strange reason, that all of a sudden, that felt weird.  Then to top that, we have two children with special needs.  OK, that sunk a little deeper.  Then I began to think...we live in Texas...working with special needs...helping out on various teams in our church...reaching out to families and other churches...working and networking with respected organizations and ministries to further the Gospel...and adoption?!

In my past, I have been honoured to work with so many ministries, but they have all been short term -- a couple years here, a few years there.  Now, eight years into child rearing, there is NO going back!  I am in this for the long haul!  I had my "Wait a minute! What am I doing?" moment right there on the loveseat, and I flashed back to the few minutes of being hoisted up 12.5 stories in the air and those 30 seconds of panicky feelings in my chest right before Neil was told to pull the cord and "fly". 

I remembered when Neil pulled that cord, I screamed half way down, but once I realized I was safe in the midst of that free fall, I truly felt as though I was flying!  Once Peter realized he was safe in Jesus' arms, although Jesus asked him why he doubted, did his heart soar at what Jesus had called him to do?  I wonder if in that moment, Peter began to understand the contrast between how the calling of God in our lives supersedes the limitations that this life mandates.  We can see how the gravity of that truth seemed to sink into Peter's heart as we follow the rest of his life.  There is no need for fear, just obedience.  We can walk forward confidently trusting God for the ability to carry out His calling in our lives regardless of the circumstances.  Philippians 1:6 says,

"I am sure of this, that He who started a good work in you will carry it out to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

And there, finally, is my "aha" moment.

Update on the Adoption Process

Only a background check is left to do!  Woo-hoo!  This could actually take a couple of months to get back, but, hey, we are almost there...finally.  This second time around in getting our home study done has really been a challenge.  We have been much busier this year, and this time, the home study has required more paperwork from us than our last one.  To be completely honest, sometimes the motivation isn't there, either.  I love my family the way it is.  Why change what I love already?  The answer to that question is simple: we will be changing what we love for something we will love even more!  On that note, we are seeing the light at the end of this tunnel and, personally, I am nervous and excited all at once.  I am nervous about the changes that will take place in our family and home, but I am excited to see how God is going to bless it all! 

Getting a Grip

One of the things I am beginning to grasp a little bit is regarding persecution.  Frankly, I always figured that we Americans really don't have a clue when it comes to persecution, but I am rethinking that now.  True, we are not beaten and whipped or starved and kept in little cages or forced into labour, but we are persecuted. 

God was speaking to Moses regarding laws of holiness in Leviticus 19.  Verse 18 says "Do not take  revenge or bear a grudge against members of your community, but love your neighbor as yourself; I am the LORD."  In Matthew 19:19 Jesus was quoting a few of the ten commandments from Exodus 20 as He was conversing with the rich young ruler regarding what he must do to get to heaven (note that this is not Jesus complete answer to the young man in this passage).  Verse 19, as quoted, says "Honor your father and your mother; and love your neighbor as yourself."   Galatians 5 is all about the freedom of the Christian and what it is to live freely in Christ.  Paul was writing to the church in Galatia pertaining to everyday Christan living being based on freedom from the law of sin and living by the power of the Holy Spirit.  Verses 13-15 says, "For you are called to freedom, brothers; only don't use this freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but serve one another through love.  For the entire law is fulfilled in one statement; 'Love your neighbor as yourself'.  But if you bite and devour one another, watch out or you will be consumed by one another."  (HCSB)

If (when) my neighbor decides to treat me or a family member like a stray dog who keeps messing on the lawn and my response is anything less than Christ-like, the situation is nothing more than one of life's pains in the...(ahem) "hind quarters".  Even if the situation escalates for whatever reason, if my reaction is towards satisfaction of my offended self, whether truly justified or not, it is still just two "neighbors" spatting.  On the other hand, if my response to my neighbor is one that wordlessly preaches the Gospel of Christ, and if he is a believer, I can trust the Holy Spirit to move my neighbor's heart towards Him, and I have then encouraged a brother, or sister, in Christ to draw closer to Him.  Contrarily, if my neighbor is not a believer, he will have the chance to see Christ through my actions and responses.  If the situation escalates because I am choosing to respond "Christ" to him, that would be persecution.  That doesn't mean that I allow anyone to speak into my life or the life of a family member any way he chooses.  I need to stand for what is right and protect my children from people who do not speak "life words" into my children's lives.  Granted, both of my sons will need to know how to respond on their own at some point, but right now, being at such a vulnerable age, I need to protect them as much as possible.  I can also trust God to protect my children (and me or my husband) when I am unable and to bridle my tongue when appropriate, and give me the correct words  -and tone!-  when necessary. 

I wonder how many situations I have demanded justice by getting in the last cutting word instead of choosing to wait and trust the Holy Spirit for my response.  And if the situation escalates or continues because I have put myself in the back seat (or the trunk, as too often is the need in my case) and allowed the Holy Spirit to take over, then it truly is Christ being persecuted and not me. 
 

The other thing I am beginning to understand a little better is that because nothing happens without God's permission, I need to trust Him for everything that happens with His permission.  If He (and He does) wants me to draw closer to Him, then these types of circumstances are not to be perceived as just one of life's hardships or "trials", but as opportunities for me to learn to trust Him.  These are times when I must step back and listen to what He would have me say and/or do before I put in my two cents worth, or two dollars, for that matter.  Is what I have to say really so important?  Will I be speaking "life" into my neighbor as I vent my displeasure at how I or a family member is treated?  Will I be adding to my neighbor's mood and fueling that fire, or will I be sparking embers of the love and truth of Christ to him? 
 

Yep, I am seeing a darker place in my heart.  I am much less angry in many situations, but I am still rolling my eyes a LOT.  I am sorry and ashamed to admit it.  During these moments, I see that I am "in the wrong".  Now, I see that I am not just "in the wrong" with my anger.  I see a dark, ugly place in my heart.  The word "putrid" comes to mind.  Green and slimy, not like a cute little frog, but "icky".  That begins to sum up how my heart looks. I have been asking God to change my heart; show me what He sees. Sometimes it is against my will to want to see what He sees, but I want my will to change to the will of His heart.  That is my prayer.   That is where I am now.  A much better place, but...sigh, what can I say?  I am still rolling my eyes!  I wonder is Jesus ever rolled His eyes...bet He did when someone told a stupid joke!