Adoption Process Update

Well, it has been awhile since I have updated you on the adoption process. There is not a lot to report except that we are now using an agency to help us in the process. The private agent that initially helped us with our home study was wonderful and did an awesome job. In fact, she came highly recommended by some friends of ours who are also pursuing adoption. However, because our friends were pursuing an international adoption, the process proved to be a little different from a domestic adoption.

For the past several months, Neil and I have been browsing online looking at various adoption agencies throughout the United States. We have made several inquiries and have either received no response at all or a very late response telling us the child we inquired about has already been placed. So, after much prayer and conversation, Neil and I decided to utilize the assistance offered through a local agency. This means we need to start the home study process over again. So, at this point, we have paid for the home study again, and we have most of our paper work filled out and ready to be sent.

What I have learned through this last nine months is this: God has called Neil and me to be obedient through giving us the desire to adopt and then to follow through with that desire no matter how difficult the process proves to be. When Neil and I were struggling to pay for the home study the first time around, God sent some dear friends (out of the blue, I might add) to help pay for the study. My friend just walked up behind me one day and handed me a check and said "keep and open mind and don't say 'no' ". In the envelope was a check to cover the whole home study process. It was through their obedience and generosity that God provided the opportunity for further obedience on our part. If we go as far as we can go in an area where God has called us, He will provide for all our needs to take us the distance. Upon realizing that we were not getting very far with finding our third son, and that we would need to pay for another home study, we prayed about how to pursue God's will in this area of our lives. God has provided, in perfect timing, the ability to be able to invest our finances and ourselves into a second home study. Although I am a little nervous, I am so excited to see how God will bless and continue to lead our family.

Those are my thoughts. :-)

The Best Valentine's Gift

The best valentine I've received was yesterday. My seven-year-old, Noah, who is not feeling well, came downstairs and sat on the loveseat adjacent from me. He looked at me and said these words, "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love you soooooo much." The best....EVER!!!

The Christmas Crescendo

I know it is already February, and almost Valentines Day, for that matter, but this has been on my mind...

When I was a little girl, Christmas was always a very special time of year. My parents were missionaries. We didn't have a lot of money, but Dad and Mom always made Christmas day one of excitement and anticipation. My brother and I each received one gift from our every parents every year, usually handmade. On an early Christmas morning in 1976, I remember my brother and me running into the living room to open our stockings, as was our tradition. After we opened our stockings, which usually contained an orange and a couple McDonald's gift certificates, we would wait impatiently for Dad and Mom to get up, make breakfast, and gather around the tree to read the Christmas story from the Bible. Although the Christmas story reading was the same every year, save the passages from which they came, Dad always tried to point out something different. After we heard about baby Jesus in the manger, Dad would pray and we would open our presents, savouring each moment. Then as the morning hours turned into the afternoon, we snacked on home made Christmas candy and drinks while watching Christmas specials on our used black and white television. Christmas for me was more than the presents under the tree. Yes, it was about the Baby in the manger. It was, also, about the very special day with my family together. Our traditions are what make these memories so fond.

Now, Christmas looks different. Being married, Neil and I have been able to incorporate new traditions, bringing in some of the old and trying to come up with some new. In his family, gifts were opened on Christmas eve, so we decided to keep that tradition. Along with that, we chose to maintain the Scripture reading of the Christmas story from my family. Having two children with autism has challenged us to improvise even these simple traditions. It has not been until just this year that they have been interested in opening gifts. The pretty boxes under the tree really have no significance to them. The last number of years, Neil and I ended up opening their gifts for them, and still not much interest was shown in their new toys. This year seemed as though things, perhaps, would be a little different, and I guess I let my hopes rise with expectations that our traditions might catch on this year.

Usually, we CAN leave gifts under the tree unwrapped, and they remain unnoticed. This year, Noah spotted an unwrapped box under the tree. It was just a brown box that had been shipped from extended family to arrive in time for Christmas day. One afternoon, he came to me and said, "Open present?" I was so excited! I said, "Sure! As he opened the brown corrogated cardboard box in which the gift was shipped, he became very excited to see a clear plastic pouch with the DVD Santa Buddies in it. I thought this was the reason he was so excited to open the box. Along with the DVD, there were five stuffed puppies - the "Buddies". THIS was what he wanted to get his hands on! He wanted the dog named "Budderball"! Whatever the draw was, I was excited that he wanted to open a present. This is when my hopes began to rise. "At least Noah would be excited about opening presents this year", I thought to myself.

When Neil's mom came for Thanksgiving, we all went Christmas shopping for the boys. We watched Noah and Judah walk through the store and pick out the toys that would most draw their attention. I was pretty confident that this year's Christmas gift exchange within our family would be an exciting, new adventure for us! The boys would want to open each present with anticipation and be playing all day long for days with their new gifts. My excitement and anticipation of carrying on the traditional activities of the season soon came to an abrupt halt and, truth be told, left me feeling pretty numb with disappointment.

About a year ago, Neil and I decided that we would allow the boys to open one gift each day over the week of Christmas. That way, it wouldn't be so overwhelming for Noah and Judah. This year, since they had so many more gifts from extended family, we were going to take our time and open each gift over a two week period to allow them to really enjoy each gift for a couple days before opening a new one. We were hoping that opening a new present every other night would pique their curiosity about the other gifts, wrapped in pretty paper, under the tree.

The first night went pretty well. It took a little motivation on our part to draw the boys' attention to their gifts that were waiting to be discovered. After a few minutes both Noah and Judah were tearing shiny Christmas paper away from their unknown treasures. Noah opened a box containing an interactive WALL.E toy. Judah found his treasure of a "Stinky Pete" garbage truck that talked and responded to touch. They were both very fond of their new novelties. I asked Noah, "Would you like to open another present?" "No, no, no", came the answer. I laughed. "There is always tomorrow", I thought.

Christmas eve came. I was ready for the bringing in the traditions! We sat down to read out of the Bible. Noah and I had been using nativity figures to act out the story of Jesus. He liked to talk to Jesus: "Hello, baby Jesus" and "Good-bye, baby Jesus". Well, it's a beginning, I thought. At least he is talking to Jesus. After reading the story of baby Jesus being born, Neil and I brought out the presents and let the boys choose one to unwrap. No one was interested. It was like pulling teeth to get them to open their gifts. Of course, we didn't make them open all of them. We only tried to open a couple. Noah kept saying, "No, no, no..." and Judah wouldn't even respond, except for getting a little grumpy that we were making him open his Christmas present!

After what I thought would be our Christmas crescendo came to a crash, Neil and I sat on the couch downstairs processing out loud what had just happened and where we went wrong. What could we have done better? It began to dawn on us that we made Christmas day a little stressful by breaking their routines. The one day that is supposed to be different and more special from all the other days of the year really needed to be as routine as possible, just like any other day, for our sons. This is where my "Christmas crescendo" really bottomed out. How does one make a day special when the demand is for "same-o, same-o"? Routine is what brings comfort to Noah and Judah. Sameness is what they enjoy. Forcing a change in that predictability is far too distressing.

Disappointed expectations, a redirection of dreams, and maybe a little perspective change is in order here. Hmmm....you know what? That is OK. While other boys girls scramble to open unfound treasure under the lights of the Christmas tree, Noah is taking baby Jesus for a walk. In other homes newly purchased toys are scattered abroad from built up anticipation and excitement. In our home, it is peaceful and quiet with the sound of Noah and Judah watching and listening to the "Joy to the World" Praise Baby DVD for the millionth time. Once in a while, I can even hear Noah singing the words to We Three Kings or Oh Come All Ye Faithful.

Every year, I think I learn a little bit more about what the Chrismas crescendo really is. First, it really is about the Baby that was born in someone's "barn" and laid in a feeding trough. If it wasn't for the power of God wrapped, not in pretty paper, but in human flesh, there would be no "crescendo" at all. In fact, there wouldn't be even a song. If my sons can grasp only that concept around the holiday season, that would be the best gift I could receive. In that way, I am kinda' glad they don't fully appreciate the idea of opening gifts. There is nothing to distract them from learning the reason why we celebrate this time of year. Second, being together as a family is so important to us. I am not taking anything away from visiting relatives, but it is so nice to relax and celebrate and enjoy what God has given to our family with the flexibility of being able to just "go with flow". Third, our "crescendo" may not be loud enthusiasm, lots of bright colours, various versions of Jingle Bells and Jingle Bell Rock coming from every room, tons of Christmas decorations in every corner, or a vast array of food overflowing the table to its four corners. I am learning that our Christmas will be filled with great anticipation of Daddy being home, a decent sized tree in one of the rooms with lots of blinking lights, soft music of Away in the Manger in the background, just enough decorations to bring a little extra festive feeling to our home, and a few favourite goodies sitting out on the coffee table for all to share.

I know it is unfashionably belated to say this now, or maybe it is a little too early to say it for next year, but I am saying it anyway. Whether your Christmas seasons are full of Jingle Bells and holly (which I love!) or it is a season of cherishing quiet family moments together or somewhere in between...Merry Christmas! In fact, why say it's too late or too early? Let the crescendo continue everyday! Why make just one day special? If it's really all about Jesus Christ, we need to raise the bar for the other days of the year, too. So, "Merry Christmas" from our family to you and your family everyday for this rest of this year!!!

And since it is almost Valentine's Day, happy Valentine's Day, too!!! ;-)

Well, That Wasn't so Bad

I am writing to report that Judah has been on his seizure medication for a month and he has not had any seizures! Yeeehhh!

Also, we have made an inquiry on a little boy in NV waiting to be adopted. He looks to definitely be on the spectrum. Once again, we will see what doors God opens for us! Pretty exciting!!!!

The Adoption Process...

We have our home study completed and have been sending it out to multiple agencies. We completed our home study through a private agent instead of an agency. Our agent does not do the child search, only the home study iteself. So now we are seeking out multiple agencies who will take our home study and help us find the right child for our family. This is a long, slow process, but I know that the right child will be presented to us at the right time. We will wait and see what God will do!

Ready...Set...Here We Go!

I received a call last night from our pediatric neurologist, Dr. M. Reardon, here in Austin. He called around seven. He sounded like he had had a long day and was tired, yet he still took time to call and talk to me. Fifteen minutes we were on the phone. He prescribed Trileptal for Judah. I will pick it up at the pharmacy today. Dr Reardon was so patient, so understanding, and so reassuring. I truly did not expect a call last night. I thought perhaps not until Monday would I hear from Dell Children's Neurology. I was impressed, but more than impressed, I was deeply grateful.

So, I will make a run to CVS and pick up this RX for Judah. I can't help but feeling a little nervous. I know that seizures are not uncommon. In fact, SO many people have seizures for multiple reasons, especially children with autism. Not all children with autism have seizures, but many do. It certainly isn't rare. There are so many people in the world that take seizure medication and have taken it for a number of years. Why am I so nervous about this? I guess there is one difference: Judah is my son.

Here we go...

A New Development?

For the last couple of months, Judah has been having "episodes" of behavior that are out of character for him. Neil and I have been watching and keeping track of this behavior, trying to figure out what triggers his 45 minute, unconsolable "tantrums". The first time we noticed it was when Neil and I went out on September 17th for a late celebration of our anniversary. Our sweet babysitter, Lindsey, was here and we were ready to leave when Judah began crying and acting nervous, almost fearful. We all racked our brains trying to figure out what was going on and what triggered his becoming so upset. He is typically able to be calmed fairly quickly. Not that night. It took a good 40 minutes to finally get him to a point where we could leave the house. Lindsey was great! She took such good care of both our boys. Before Neil and I reached our destination, I received a text from Lindsey that he was laughing and acting as though nothing had happened. For me, it was a "note-to-self" moment.

A couple weeks later, I went upstairs. Judah was in his jammies standing on the arm of the sofa, watching a movie. When I looked at him, I asked him if he was sleeping with his eyes open. He was standing perfectly still, not moving a muscle, not batting an eyelash (Judah is rarely still). I proceeded to walk over to the Little Tykes desk where our two new family members resided in their cages. Our two new gerbils, Little Joe an G-Force, were chewing up the aspen shavings that covered the bottom of their cages. Judah had been quiet, unmoving up to this point. Then all of a sudden, he began screaming and running around the room as though something had frightened him. He ran over to me after I called his name and opened my arms. He let me hug him for a split second and then resisted with all the strength he had, trying to get away. He continued running around the room, beating on the floor and the wall, screaming the whole time. Neil came upstairs, and all I could do was watch Judah. I felt helpless. Neil couldn't calm him either. We brought him downstairs, wrapped him in a blanket, gave him some milk, and held him tightly. He continued to fight and resist as though something had scared him. I took him back upstairs, turned off the lights and turned on some soft music. Still holding him tightly, wrapped in a blanket with his sippy cup of milk, he slowly began to calm down. It took a good forty-five minutes before he was completely calm again. After he was calmed, he acted as though nothing had happened.

This type of behavior occurred multiple times in the weeks that followed: couple times at school, on the bus, and a few more times at home. We took him to pediatric neurology for an EEG, where they futiley tried to induce a seizure. Although seizures were not confirmed, our pediatrician seems convinced that what Judah is experiencing is, indeed, a form of epileptic seizures. Our pediatric neurologist could not definitively say that Judah is having seizures, but from what we described and reported from the school, seizures were certainly not out of the question. We were given a number of options with which to proceed. We could bring Judah in for a 24 hour EEG; we could start him on seizure medication, and see if his "behavior" stops; or we could watch him and see if his episodes continue, increase, or decrease. At the time, we opted to watch him and continue tracking his behavior. He is still averaging these strange behaviors about once a week.

A couple nights ago, we heard Judah crying upstairs just after we had put him to bed. Neil ran back upstairs to check on him. He seemed scared and mad, constantly wringing his hands. He was tired, but couldn't stop crying. He was unable to vocalize any feeling or emotion other than crying. It was as though he could not use any verbalizations that he knew. His gestures and signs became more pronounced and succinct. He could only cry. Gradually, he calmed down again and was able to use the jargon and verbal approximations that he typically uses. Once again, all was well in his world, and he acted as though nothing had happened.

After talking to my friend, who also has experienced seizures, Neil and I have decided to put Judah on seizure medication. Worse case scenario: the medication doesn't work, and his "episodes" continue. We then take him off the medication. On the other hand, maybe the medication will work, and he will not experience these long, grueling moments as often, if at all. We will, also, know for certain that he is experiencing seizures. Yes, I will call neurology tomorrow and request seizure medication for Judah.