"Water, Water, Everywhere, and Not a Drop to Drink!"

Last night around 7:45, Neil and I were upstairs overseeing Judah's bath time (that can take two people and about eight bath sheets), and Noah was downstairs playing on the laptop. Neil figured he would go downstairs and check on Noah to make sure he was doing OK. I was leisurely getting ready for bed, throwing on a big comfy shirt and stripping down to my underwear to watch Judah from underneath my snuggie-soft down throw on our bed. Judah had just jumped out of the tub when I heard a frantic plea from the floor below, "Babe! I need your help! Hurry! Quick!" Throwing on a pair of sweats, I raced passed Judah who was making his way down the stairs soaking wet and stark naked.

The first scene I saw was Noah still playing on the laptop as calm as could be. "Couldn't be too bad", I thought. "No one seems wounded, although Neil doesn't usually sound that panicky..." Then I saw the scene of mayhem. It would have been a little more comical had not the weight of the situation hit me in the stomach like a cement cylinder block hurling from a seven story building. While Judah was streaking in front of an open patio door, I saw Neil feverishly bailing water from a sewage geyser springing from the commode in the powder room. I saw at least a two inch puddle soaking into the carpet between the powder room and kitchen. Let me tell you, seeing an actual puddle of sewage on white carpet will do something to your stomach...something having to do with a cylinder block and a seven story building.

Anyway, all my thoughts went out the door along with Judah as I assessed the situation, which took all of two seconds, to see where I could jump in. Then I realized Judah had left the building. Retrieving the little unclothed urchin from his favourite habitat and locking the door behind me, I quickly began running the Bissell vacuum, sucking up as much water as it would take. Neil had already turned off the water to the toilet. It was still gushing sewage and it was all Neil could do to keep up with the overflow. After several times of sucking and emptying water and sewer, I realized Judah was still enjoying life in the buff. I quickly dressed him, and got on the phone with the home owners insurance company.

"Well, ma'am, usually at this point in the evening, we would tell you that we will have someone out tomorrow to assess the situation."

"Excuse me", I queried. "I don't think you understand. My husband is bailing buckets of water and sewage from the toilet to our back yard, and he is barely able to keep up. The water has been turned of and IT'S NOT STOPPING! To clarify, are you telling me that we should just continue bailing until someone finds our house some time tomorrow?"

"I see your point, ma'am, and I am very sorry to hear about your situation." I wondered if their have to take an "empathy class" to get this job. She sounded like she was reading a script. Then she continued, "I will dispatch someone out to your house tonight, ma'am."

"Thank you", I said, "about how long do you think it will take before someone is able to get to us?"

"I will call dispatch, and if you don't hear from us within the next 1 - 2 hours, call us back." Click.

"Hey, that's great," I thought, "Thanks."

Next, I called the plumbing company directly. Forget the insurance company. I got on the phone again, and called the plumbing company directly. I was pleased that I didn't have to go through the 10 minute ordeal of what language to use or any other "all-about-me" questions. An operator immediately picked up on the other end. Yes, they could help us. It would cost $120 to send someone out to just assess the problem, but we were desperate. How long? Ahh, yes. "We might be able to have someone out there in an hour, but I can't guarantee it."

"No, of course not", I mused. We hung up.

My phone rang, and it was the first gentleman I called right before the insurance company and with whom I had left a message. He is self-employed, does a great job, and is very fairly priced. Michael Martinez. He lives on the "very south side of Austin", as he describes it. I answered my phone and explained the situation. Michael was out to our house in 45 minutes. I cancelled the other two dispatches. Michael worked for two hours snakeing our PVC pipe from outside, pulling up tons of mud. Not good. It was obviously a cracked pipe. Rats.

On the upside, Neil took a vacation day, which he needed, anyway. I get to sit here at home with my sweetie, waiting for our service request that our landlord called in to be met. Sigh. It's not so bad, really. CVS and Wag-a-Bag are just around the corner, and the boys can wear pull-ups today. Our house is beginning to smell like sewer, but there is always air freshener. Go, Glade and Febreeze!

Because the ground is so dry, one of the main water lines from Stillwater Lake broke, so our area, along with a few other local communities, are prohibited from turning water on outside. Police are even patrolling and fining people up to $2000 for running any water outside. I came to the conclusion a while back, but this turn of events just confirmed my thoughts. Water bills are a luxury...not the ones from water damage, but the regular ones that come every month letting you know that you have the ability to turn on the sink or use the toilet. :-)

Today I went upstairs to set Noah up with his music, and I found him with my black camera. He had erased the pictures I had taken (fortunately, there weren't too terribly many). He knew right away that I was upset. I raised my voice and said, "Noah!" Immediately, he began crying and sat down on our bed. Through his tears he said, "I'm sorry". Instantly, my heart melted and right away I felt badly for yelling his name. I sat down and cuddled him and accepted his apology and told him I forgave him. I apologized to him for yelling his name. Then I reassured him that although I like my pictures, I love him much more and that he is much more important to me than the pictures on my camera.

We snuggled for awhile, and I kissed him all over his little red, tear stained face. This was a huge moment for both of us, a break through moment for so many reasons. Both of my sons have never really responded appropriately to emotions before, especially Noah.

This is very common for someone who has autism. They don't understand emotional cues from other people. Noah could see another child crying and he, many times, would laugh. He doesn't laugh to be mean or spiteful; he just hasn't been able to switch gears from playing. He hasn't been able to understand or identify when someone is sad, angry or happy.

Most kids would say to a parent, "Why is that boy crying?" When a person cries, that is the child's cue that there is "unhappiness". Also, usually, a child can express whether she is happy, sad, or angry. My boys have not been able to do this either. I have NEVER seen Noah grasp this concept...until today.

I rarely yell at my sons. What's point? The only thing that changes is the volume of my voice, and let's face it, to any child that could be entertaining all on it's own! Usually when I am angry or upset, my voice get lower, softer, and more stern in tone. I have to admit, sometimes you can hear the frustration in my voice, too! This time I reacted instead of responding, and I raised my voice.

This time, for the first time, Noah responded appropriately to my tone with crying. HUGE for him! To boot, he even sat down on the bed instead of continuing to think we were engaging in play, and he said (WITHOUT BEING PROMPTED!), "I'm sorry". It takes a LOT if understanding to read emotional cues, put the cues together with the words, and translate the communication. It takes a LOT to know the appropriate response, find the words, and then respond with feeling.

Today I saw my son who never used to cry (except when touched or when his "safety routine" was interrupted), who never use to respond to his name, react, whatsoever, to stimulus in his environment...today I saw him FULLY engage life with understanding.

My heart was moved from hardened frustration to melting hot tears. My little 8 year old boy and I just had a conversation that hit all levels: verbally (both receptively and expressively), emotionally (identifying and responding), and relationally (apologizing and accepting forgiveness from each other) as we snuggled basking in each other's love.

I wonder how often it takes me to respond appropriately to God's correction. Do I laugh and continue playing? Am I insensitive to His tone? Do I understand the gravity of the situation? Do I react impulsively or do I respond thoughtfully with the truth of His Word in my heart?

Learning to Lean

I think this is a season of "leaning". Let me explain.

Sometimes I hear people say, "Don't worry; God will never give you more than you can handle." Usually, I just want to...well, I'm sure you understand. Truth be told, I know God will never give me more than I can handle. However, I know He is not up in heaven sitting on His throne saying to Himself (or the angels), "I know Becky can handle this one, so I will just put it on her plate in front of her". The fact is He will never give me more than I can handle, not because I "got the stuff" to deal with it, but because He is able. That is FACT.

I was talking to my health coach today and she told me that I need to make sure I take time to rest. (Hmmm...sounds sort of like something my sweet hubby constantly tells me.) As I listened to her finish her little lecture to me, which really was more of a pep talk, I had to ask..."So, what is "rest"? I mean, I know what it is, but what does it look like for me, I wonder?"

After we hung up our phones, feeling motivated to "rest", I decided to go for a walk that lasted an hour and a half. When I came back, I jumped into the jeep, drove to the gas station, and bought two drumstick ice-cream cones, one for now and one for later, both for me, of course! Once I sat down with my creamy, crunchy treat in hand, I began to think (not that my brain ever actually turns off) about what is on my proverbial plate. Let's see...looking at making a house purchase (God willing), transitioning Judah to a different classroom program at a different school (this requires the ultimate "meeting of the minds" at an ARD), home schooling Noah over the summer, choosing and prepping a daily routine and curriculum this coming year in order to home school Noah the following year, and that is saying nothing about filling out more paperwork for the adoption process. Granted, not all of this takes place over the next week, but still, it is a little daunting when I begin to think about actually doing it. Pathways, Camp Grace, Vacation Bible School, women's Bible study, community group, Sunday school (actually, that's on Neil's proverbial plate) are all on the side, as it were. What was that? Cleaning the house and making meals? Yes, I do know what that is. I'm not entirely sure how, but I'm aware that those things do get done (I need to give my hubby props on helping out here, too.)

All that to say, if I had to handle all this on my own, I think I would retreat to a nice, quiet place, like a convent, and live out the rest of my days there. OK, not really, but you get my point. Often I find myself feeling overwhelmed, sometimes a little fearful, often times scatter-brained, and just plain willing myself through the day. This is obviously not a state of being that reflects a calm, quiet spirit choosing to rest on the Holy Spirit in the midst of a storm. So, that's where I am learning to lean. Lean in close. What is God telling me? What is in His heart for me to hear, to learn right now. Leaning in quietly, listening...not just for a moment, but for this season, however long it may last.

Aaahhhh...so that's what it means for me to rest. Situations have not changed. Circumstances and appointments are still present and on the docket. But my heart is beating calmly to a steady rhythm. My attention is on the God who is omnipotent and able to do all things. Whew! It's so nice to be able to rest in the midst of life's chaos and even disappointments! It's so nice to have the peace that all is going to go well regardless of how it happens, and it's not because I've got the stuff to make it work or overcome it all. It's because He is able.

It's a season for leaning. I guess, really, it never goes out of season.

Adoption Process Update

Well, it has been awhile since I have updated you on the adoption process. There is not a lot to report except that we are now using an agency to help us in the process. The private agent that initially helped us with our home study was wonderful and did an awesome job. In fact, she came highly recommended by some friends of ours who are also pursuing adoption. However, because our friends were pursuing an international adoption, the process proved to be a little different from a domestic adoption.

For the past several months, Neil and I have been browsing online looking at various adoption agencies throughout the United States. We have made several inquiries and have either received no response at all or a very late response telling us the child we inquired about has already been placed. So, after much prayer and conversation, Neil and I decided to utilize the assistance offered through a local agency. This means we need to start the home study process over again. So, at this point, we have paid for the home study again, and we have most of our paper work filled out and ready to be sent.

What I have learned through this last nine months is this: God has called Neil and me to be obedient through giving us the desire to adopt and then to follow through with that desire no matter how difficult the process proves to be. When Neil and I were struggling to pay for the home study the first time around, God sent some dear friends (out of the blue, I might add) to help pay for the study. My friend just walked up behind me one day and handed me a check and said "keep and open mind and don't say 'no' ". In the envelope was a check to cover the whole home study process. It was through their obedience and generosity that God provided the opportunity for further obedience on our part. If we go as far as we can go in an area where God has called us, He will provide for all our needs to take us the distance. Upon realizing that we were not getting very far with finding our third son, and that we would need to pay for another home study, we prayed about how to pursue God's will in this area of our lives. God has provided, in perfect timing, the ability to be able to invest our finances and ourselves into a second home study. Although I am a little nervous, I am so excited to see how God will bless and continue to lead our family.

Those are my thoughts. :-)

The Best Valentine's Gift

The best valentine I've received was yesterday. My seven-year-old, Noah, who is not feeling well, came downstairs and sat on the loveseat adjacent from me. He looked at me and said these words, "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love you soooooo much." The best....EVER!!!

The Christmas Crescendo

I know it is already February, and almost Valentines Day, for that matter, but this has been on my mind...

When I was a little girl, Christmas was always a very special time of year. My parents were missionaries. We didn't have a lot of money, but Dad and Mom always made Christmas day one of excitement and anticipation. My brother and I each received one gift from our every parents every year, usually handmade. On an early Christmas morning in 1976, I remember my brother and me running into the living room to open our stockings, as was our tradition. After we opened our stockings, which usually contained an orange and a couple McDonald's gift certificates, we would wait impatiently for Dad and Mom to get up, make breakfast, and gather around the tree to read the Christmas story from the Bible. Although the Christmas story reading was the same every year, save the passages from which they came, Dad always tried to point out something different. After we heard about baby Jesus in the manger, Dad would pray and we would open our presents, savouring each moment. Then as the morning hours turned into the afternoon, we snacked on home made Christmas candy and drinks while watching Christmas specials on our used black and white television. Christmas for me was more than the presents under the tree. Yes, it was about the Baby in the manger. It was, also, about the very special day with my family together. Our traditions are what make these memories so fond.

Now, Christmas looks different. Being married, Neil and I have been able to incorporate new traditions, bringing in some of the old and trying to come up with some new. In his family, gifts were opened on Christmas eve, so we decided to keep that tradition. Along with that, we chose to maintain the Scripture reading of the Christmas story from my family. Having two children with autism has challenged us to improvise even these simple traditions. It has not been until just this year that they have been interested in opening gifts. The pretty boxes under the tree really have no significance to them. The last number of years, Neil and I ended up opening their gifts for them, and still not much interest was shown in their new toys. This year seemed as though things, perhaps, would be a little different, and I guess I let my hopes rise with expectations that our traditions might catch on this year.

Usually, we CAN leave gifts under the tree unwrapped, and they remain unnoticed. This year, Noah spotted an unwrapped box under the tree. It was just a brown box that had been shipped from extended family to arrive in time for Christmas day. One afternoon, he came to me and said, "Open present?" I was so excited! I said, "Sure! As he opened the brown corrogated cardboard box in which the gift was shipped, he became very excited to see a clear plastic pouch with the DVD Santa Buddies in it. I thought this was the reason he was so excited to open the box. Along with the DVD, there were five stuffed puppies - the "Buddies". THIS was what he wanted to get his hands on! He wanted the dog named "Budderball"! Whatever the draw was, I was excited that he wanted to open a present. This is when my hopes began to rise. "At least Noah would be excited about opening presents this year", I thought to myself.

When Neil's mom came for Thanksgiving, we all went Christmas shopping for the boys. We watched Noah and Judah walk through the store and pick out the toys that would most draw their attention. I was pretty confident that this year's Christmas gift exchange within our family would be an exciting, new adventure for us! The boys would want to open each present with anticipation and be playing all day long for days with their new gifts. My excitement and anticipation of carrying on the traditional activities of the season soon came to an abrupt halt and, truth be told, left me feeling pretty numb with disappointment.

About a year ago, Neil and I decided that we would allow the boys to open one gift each day over the week of Christmas. That way, it wouldn't be so overwhelming for Noah and Judah. This year, since they had so many more gifts from extended family, we were going to take our time and open each gift over a two week period to allow them to really enjoy each gift for a couple days before opening a new one. We were hoping that opening a new present every other night would pique their curiosity about the other gifts, wrapped in pretty paper, under the tree.

The first night went pretty well. It took a little motivation on our part to draw the boys' attention to their gifts that were waiting to be discovered. After a few minutes both Noah and Judah were tearing shiny Christmas paper away from their unknown treasures. Noah opened a box containing an interactive WALL.E toy. Judah found his treasure of a "Stinky Pete" garbage truck that talked and responded to touch. They were both very fond of their new novelties. I asked Noah, "Would you like to open another present?" "No, no, no", came the answer. I laughed. "There is always tomorrow", I thought.

Christmas eve came. I was ready for the bringing in the traditions! We sat down to read out of the Bible. Noah and I had been using nativity figures to act out the story of Jesus. He liked to talk to Jesus: "Hello, baby Jesus" and "Good-bye, baby Jesus". Well, it's a beginning, I thought. At least he is talking to Jesus. After reading the story of baby Jesus being born, Neil and I brought out the presents and let the boys choose one to unwrap. No one was interested. It was like pulling teeth to get them to open their gifts. Of course, we didn't make them open all of them. We only tried to open a couple. Noah kept saying, "No, no, no..." and Judah wouldn't even respond, except for getting a little grumpy that we were making him open his Christmas present!

After what I thought would be our Christmas crescendo came to a crash, Neil and I sat on the couch downstairs processing out loud what had just happened and where we went wrong. What could we have done better? It began to dawn on us that we made Christmas day a little stressful by breaking their routines. The one day that is supposed to be different and more special from all the other days of the year really needed to be as routine as possible, just like any other day, for our sons. This is where my "Christmas crescendo" really bottomed out. How does one make a day special when the demand is for "same-o, same-o"? Routine is what brings comfort to Noah and Judah. Sameness is what they enjoy. Forcing a change in that predictability is far too distressing.

Disappointed expectations, a redirection of dreams, and maybe a little perspective change is in order here. Hmmm....you know what? That is OK. While other boys girls scramble to open unfound treasure under the lights of the Christmas tree, Noah is taking baby Jesus for a walk. In other homes newly purchased toys are scattered abroad from built up anticipation and excitement. In our home, it is peaceful and quiet with the sound of Noah and Judah watching and listening to the "Joy to the World" Praise Baby DVD for the millionth time. Once in a while, I can even hear Noah singing the words to We Three Kings or Oh Come All Ye Faithful.

Every year, I think I learn a little bit more about what the Chrismas crescendo really is. First, it really is about the Baby that was born in someone's "barn" and laid in a feeding trough. If it wasn't for the power of God wrapped, not in pretty paper, but in human flesh, there would be no "crescendo" at all. In fact, there wouldn't be even a song. If my sons can grasp only that concept around the holiday season, that would be the best gift I could receive. In that way, I am kinda' glad they don't fully appreciate the idea of opening gifts. There is nothing to distract them from learning the reason why we celebrate this time of year. Second, being together as a family is so important to us. I am not taking anything away from visiting relatives, but it is so nice to relax and celebrate and enjoy what God has given to our family with the flexibility of being able to just "go with flow". Third, our "crescendo" may not be loud enthusiasm, lots of bright colours, various versions of Jingle Bells and Jingle Bell Rock coming from every room, tons of Christmas decorations in every corner, or a vast array of food overflowing the table to its four corners. I am learning that our Christmas will be filled with great anticipation of Daddy being home, a decent sized tree in one of the rooms with lots of blinking lights, soft music of Away in the Manger in the background, just enough decorations to bring a little extra festive feeling to our home, and a few favourite goodies sitting out on the coffee table for all to share.

I know it is unfashionably belated to say this now, or maybe it is a little too early to say it for next year, but I am saying it anyway. Whether your Christmas seasons are full of Jingle Bells and holly (which I love!) or it is a season of cherishing quiet family moments together or somewhere in between...Merry Christmas! In fact, why say it's too late or too early? Let the crescendo continue everyday! Why make just one day special? If it's really all about Jesus Christ, we need to raise the bar for the other days of the year, too. So, "Merry Christmas" from our family to you and your family everyday for this rest of this year!!!

And since it is almost Valentine's Day, happy Valentine's Day, too!!! ;-)

Well, That Wasn't so Bad

I am writing to report that Judah has been on his seizure medication for a month and he has not had any seizures! Yeeehhh!

Also, we have made an inquiry on a little boy in NV waiting to be adopted. He looks to definitely be on the spectrum. Once again, we will see what doors God opens for us! Pretty exciting!!!!