Just before the summer holidays began, a couple of unanticipated events caught us by surprise. The first event took place five weeks before we were supposed to move. I signed in to my hotmail account so I could IM with my sweet hubby while he was at work. The only reason for this account is to be able to "talk" to Neil periodically throughout the day. I noticed I had several emails. "That's odd", I thought, and began reading down through the list. There were a number of new Facebook accounts, a couple of Twitter accounts, and a few new gmail accounts set up in my name with different variations of my handle. Not having set up any of these accounts, I thought I would begin with Facebook and get to the bottom of this.
I called Facebook and was immediately connected with their support team. I gave the gentleman on the other end access to my computer so that we could see what was going on simultaneously. I had no idea what I was viewing. I was so glad to have someone walk me through this process! He pointed out various areas and times my computer had been accessed, none of which were times I had been online! In fact, whoever was accessing my system had "stopped" or interrupted several of my running programs!
Have you ever felt dread? For me, it began in the core of my stomach. It seemed to take just short of forever to reach my brain. I just couldn't believe what I was being told and seeing for myself! The gentleman from FB made several alarming statements about how many times my computer had been hacked over the previous six weeks: 1,647 times! The next several minutes were filled with counsel to get a security system for my Netbook and the rest of our devices. We had firewalls and security in place already, but obviously, we needed to step it up a notch.
Over the next couple of weeks, we installed a better security system to protect our information. Apparently, whoever was hacking, was not after money, not that he could have obtained any if had tried. He was after our personal information. The only device we were not able to lock down was the iPad. This person pegged our IP address and was able to access our other computers through the iPad. It was creepy. I would be cleaning the iPad for Judah, and all of a sudden, I was locked out. The hacker took control of the iPad. I was watching everything he did as he accessed the "Settings" along with various websites and accounts utilizing our personal information. He was uploading my pictures on the upstairs computer via the iPad, accessing our accounts (not financial) by typing our full names into the URL search bar and bypassing our passwords, and creating new accounts with our names. Scary. From then on, we kept the iPad turned off until we moved. Problem solved. He could no longer locate our IP address after we moved. We did, however, keep our security in place.
The feeling that someone else could so easily access our personal information was unnerving, to say the least. That someone could actually lock us out of our system while giving himself free reign with our computers, left me feeling quite vulnerable. I know this is common, but until it happened to us, I could not relate to the fear of someone attempting to steal my or my husband's identity.
There was one other event that took place within a week of this one. It is one where fear had already taken root and had been sitting in the back of my mind for quite some time. People who are not accustomed to being around families with special needs really don't know what life can be like on a daily basis. This is not a knock or a slam against those people. Outside of living vicariously through a handful of my friends, I am clueless to how to live within certain cultures of the world, since I've had no personal experience. Likewise, those who do not interact with individuals with special needs on a regular basis are relatively unaware of what a day in our lives can look like...and grace is extended to those who lack understanding.
Because individuals with autism look like everyone else, people tend to have certain expectations. When those expectations are not met due to sensory issues or certain behavioral responses, often judgement and criticism are cast, reeling in feelings of inadequacy and exclusion or rejection from parents and caretakers. As have many others, to be sure, we have heard everything from we are lazy parents who neglect our children to we are being irresponsible parents who don't discipline hard enough, or frequently enough, to curb our children's behaviors in order to make them "obey". It has always been a fear of mine that someone with a critical spirit and a lack of discernment or understanding, and without the wherewithal to come to me, will call Child Protective Services and tell them what a bad parent I am. This was a huge fear...that is, until it happened.
A week after the whole "computer hacking" incident took place, we received a certified letter in the mail saying we were under investigation with CPS. Someone had called and complained to the state that we were "neglectful parents due to a lack of supervision", according to the report. One of my worst fears was confronting me, daring me to look him in the eye, and I had to do just that.
We made the appointment to meet with the social worker the following Monday. My nerves were on edge the entire weekend. "This is all we needed right before our move", I thought to myself. "Who would have done something so mean? I mean, everyone around us knows that our boys have autism. All our neighbors have my 'mommy card' so they can call me anytime, should anything ever upset or make them nervous." I wondered if it was the lady several doors down who thought Judah was stuck in the sewer drain.
From inside the house by the patio door, I had about 30% visibility of our yard. We had a large yard that curled around the sides of the house and windows on only two sides. Needless to say, we a had few blind spots. Because I don't handle the heat well here in Texas, I sat right inside our door to watch Judah as he played outside. If I couldn't see Judah playing, I would immediately go outside to locate him. Often, this meant checking on him, literally, every five minutes. However, there would be those moments during the day when Noah needed me for something or when I needed to use the loo. These are the times Judah usually escaped our yard. However, no one ever complained to me. Well, I had one neighbor who didn't like Judah getting in their yard and "ruining their garden", so I tried to be extra careful and more vigilant to catch him before he climbed our fence. There were many times he was too fast for me and made it into their yard before I could get to him. This placed a great deal of stress on me daily.
One afternoon, the lady who thought Judah may have been stuck in the drain, was standing over him talking to him, asking him if he was stuck. One may have thought to help him out of the sewer drain if he was stuck, but, apparently one didn't. Needless to say, Judah was not responding to her. What actually was taking place was Judah was trying to get down into the sewer drain. The drain was between our house and our neighbor's front lawn. Often Judah escaped our back yard and made a bee line for the drain. He was curious and fearless. He enjoyed throwing small rocks down there. Sometimes he took his clothes off and threw those down the drain! I called the city once to retrieve a small pile of shirts, but we lost quite a few articles of clothing that had washed away after being disposed down that drain.
At any rate, I had been looking for Judah, and because he was lying flat trying to get through the drain hole, I didn't see him right away. Then I noticed the lady standing there. I realized that must be Judah she is trying to engage. I ran over as fast as I could. She looked at me and asked, "Is this your child?"
"Yes", I responded. I didn't know what else to say. I didn't know her and going into a big explanation of his autism seemed like it would come across as an excuse at that moment. Was it worth it? Probably not. Would she understand? I don't know. Sometimes I get tired of trying to explain "autism" and what it looks like in my boys. It's a gamble. Sometimes people understand. Many times they do not. I have learned to pick and choose the "teachable moments". This was not one, I decided. I bent over and picked up Judah. It's a good thing he is too big to fit down that hole, although, if I did let him go, I am sure he could figure out how to wiggle his way down there! I heard the lady call me "irresponsible" as she was walking away in a huff, being put off by my lack of knowing just where Judah was and what he was doing.
What she did NOT know was that he had been playing inside the house. I went to the bathroom. He left to go outside. When I came out, he was gone. I had been looking for him for about five minutes. Back yard...front yard (I couldn't see him because he was lying down by the curb)...the two sides of the house without windows...neighbor's yards...I was calling him, but I received no response. I made my round again and was about to call Neil when I saw the lady standing on the sidewalk "talking to the sewer drain" with a concerned look on her face. (If I could have taken a snap shot of that three seconds, I could share the comedy of that picture!) Immediately, I put the pieces together and ran over to retrieve Judah. Could she have been the one who called CPS?
From inside the house by the patio door, I had about 30% visibility of our yard. We had a large yard that curled around the sides of the house and windows on only two sides. Needless to say, we a had few blind spots. Because I don't handle the heat well here in Texas, I sat right inside our door to watch Judah as he played outside. If I couldn't see Judah playing, I would immediately go outside to locate him. Often, this meant checking on him, literally, every five minutes. However, there would be those moments during the day when Noah needed me for something or when I needed to use the loo. These are the times Judah usually escaped our yard. However, no one ever complained to me. Well, I had one neighbor who didn't like Judah getting in their yard and "ruining their garden", so I tried to be extra careful and more vigilant to catch him before he climbed our fence. There were many times he was too fast for me and made it into their yard before I could get to him. This placed a great deal of stress on me daily.
One afternoon, the lady who thought Judah may have been stuck in the drain, was standing over him talking to him, asking him if he was stuck. One may have thought to help him out of the sewer drain if he was stuck, but, apparently one didn't. Needless to say, Judah was not responding to her. What actually was taking place was Judah was trying to get down into the sewer drain. The drain was between our house and our neighbor's front lawn. Often Judah escaped our back yard and made a bee line for the drain. He was curious and fearless. He enjoyed throwing small rocks down there. Sometimes he took his clothes off and threw those down the drain! I called the city once to retrieve a small pile of shirts, but we lost quite a few articles of clothing that had washed away after being disposed down that drain.
At any rate, I had been looking for Judah, and because he was lying flat trying to get through the drain hole, I didn't see him right away. Then I noticed the lady standing there. I realized that must be Judah she is trying to engage. I ran over as fast as I could. She looked at me and asked, "Is this your child?"
"Yes", I responded. I didn't know what else to say. I didn't know her and going into a big explanation of his autism seemed like it would come across as an excuse at that moment. Was it worth it? Probably not. Would she understand? I don't know. Sometimes I get tired of trying to explain "autism" and what it looks like in my boys. It's a gamble. Sometimes people understand. Many times they do not. I have learned to pick and choose the "teachable moments". This was not one, I decided. I bent over and picked up Judah. It's a good thing he is too big to fit down that hole, although, if I did let him go, I am sure he could figure out how to wiggle his way down there! I heard the lady call me "irresponsible" as she was walking away in a huff, being put off by my lack of knowing just where Judah was and what he was doing.
What she did NOT know was that he had been playing inside the house. I went to the bathroom. He left to go outside. When I came out, he was gone. I had been looking for him for about five minutes. Back yard...front yard (I couldn't see him because he was lying down by the curb)...the two sides of the house without windows...neighbor's yards...I was calling him, but I received no response. I made my round again and was about to call Neil when I saw the lady standing on the sidewalk "talking to the sewer drain" with a concerned look on her face. (If I could have taken a snap shot of that three seconds, I could share the comedy of that picture!) Immediately, I put the pieces together and ran over to retrieve Judah. Could she have been the one who called CPS?
Nonetheless, no one asked if I needed help or offered suggestions that might make life easier, and no one really complained to me or Neil about anything our boys ever did, except our one neighbor with whom I tried extra hard to keep Judah from "visiting". If anything, most of our neighbors looked out for the boys and called me if there was any concern. I felt very supported in this way. So, I was really taken aback when we received that letter in the mail.
That Monday, we met with the social worker in our home. Immediately, she assured us that this was just a formality. They had received the complaint eight months earlier. At that time, the social worker had paid a visit to the school, where the boys would have typically attended had they been in general education, just to find out they were at a different campus because they had special needs, of which she was unaware. After tracking down the correct campus, she tried to "interview" the boys to see if they had enough to eat and if there were any signs of abuse. Neil and I laughed at that since Judah was non-verbal and Noah still couldn't not answer basic questions like "what did you do in school today?" "How did that work out for you?" I asked, laughing and feeling a bit more at ease. The social worker then mentioned that she interviewed the teachers, and they all raved about our family and wondered why anyone would even make the call in the first place. Then she looked up from her paperwork and followed that comment with, "I have been working with CPS for several years, and never in all my years of working for the state, have I had a principal of the school make a point to come to the classroom and go to bat for the family!"
After a few more minutes of conversation, we began talking a little more about what we do in our church and community. Apparently, the teachers, along with the principal, mentioned our involvement. The social worker was impressed and asked if she could take our information and pass it along to families with special needs who are in need of support, encouragement, and resources. Upon leaving, there were still some calls she had to make in order to close out the case. The case had taken eight months because after visiting the school, the state realized that our children were in no danger, and our file had fallen to the bottom of the pile. However, she needed to get the interview done, and by law, had to go through all the formalities in order to officially close the case. She was glad to have met us.
I am not saying this to paint anyone in a bad light or to "toot our own horn", as it were. I learned that God can take a stomach wrenching situation and make it bloom like a flowering shrub in the spring. This could have seriously jeopardized our adoption, but instead, it let the state know who we are and what we do. How cool is that?!!
The verse that had been going through my head that whole weekend was Isaiah 26:3: "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee, because he trusteth in Thee" (KJV). I am learning that in whatever situation I find myself, God's got my back. Now I am NOT saying that I can do as I please and He will bless my actions regardless. I AM saying that when we are faithful to Him, we experience His blessings through our obedience. Life isn't always fun, and rarely is it easy.
I don't believe God is ever caught off guard or surprised by anything that happens. I don't believe that He wills bad things to happen, and I don't believe He makes mistakes. However, I do believe that nothing happens without His consent. For example, Satan could do nothing to Job without God's consent. God did not allow Satan to take Job's life (Job 1:12). God said, "Behold, all that he hath is in thy power; only upon himself put not forth thine hand." Nothing happens that catches God off guard or by surprise. How much do I trust God? Does He have my back? If God has my back, and nothing happens without His consent, then I can live life without having to fear what may come my way, whether, in my opinion, it's good, bad, or indifferent. I can live life "full throttle", without hesitation, and I will boldly play out the hand I have been given.
I am not folding this time...I'm all in.
