I know it is already February, and almost Valentines Day, for that matter, but this has been on my mind...
When I was a little girl, Christmas was always a very special time of year. My parents were missionaries. We didn't have a lot of money, but Dad and Mom always made Christmas day one of excitement and anticipation. My brother and I each received one gift from our every parents every year, usually handmade. On an early Christmas morning in 1976, I remember my brother and me running into the living room to open our stockings, as was our tradition. After we opened our stockings, which usually contained an orange and a couple McDonald's gift certificates, we would wait impatiently for Dad and Mom to get up, make breakfast, and gather around the tree to read the Christmas story from the Bible. Although the Christmas story reading was the same every year, save the passages from which they came, Dad always tried to point out something different. After we heard about baby Jesus in the manger, Dad would pray and we would open our presents, savouring each moment. Then as the morning hours turned into the afternoon, we snacked on home made Christmas candy and drinks while watching Christmas specials on our used black and white television. Christmas for me was more than the presents under the tree. Yes, it was about the Baby in the manger. It was, also, about the very special day with my family together. Our traditions are what make these memories so fond.
Now, Christmas looks different. Being married, Neil and I have been able to incorporate new traditions, bringing in some of the old and trying to come up with some new. In his family, gifts were opened on Christmas eve, so we decided to keep that tradition. Along with that, we chose to maintain the Scripture reading of the Christmas story from my family. Having two children with autism has challenged us to improvise even these simple traditions. It has not been until just this year that they have been interested in opening gifts. The pretty boxes under the tree really have no significance to them. The last number of years, Neil and I ended up opening their gifts for them, and still not much interest was shown in their new toys. This year seemed as though things, perhaps, would be a little different, and I guess I let my hopes rise with expectations that our traditions might catch on this year.
Usually, we CAN leave gifts under the tree unwrapped, and they remain unnoticed. This year, Noah spotted an unwrapped box under the tree. It was just a brown box that had been shipped from extended family to arrive in time for Christmas day. One afternoon, he came to me and said, "Open present?" I was so excited! I said, "Sure! As he opened the brown corrogated cardboard box in which the gift was shipped, he became very excited to see a clear plastic pouch with the DVD Santa Buddies in it. I thought this was the reason he was so excited to open the box. Along with the DVD, there were five stuffed puppies - the "Buddies". THIS was what he wanted to get his hands on! He wanted the dog named "Budderball"! Whatever the draw was, I was excited that he wanted to open a present. This is when my hopes began to rise. "At least Noah would be excited about opening presents this year", I thought to myself.
When Neil's mom came for Thanksgiving, we all went Christmas shopping for the boys. We watched Noah and Judah walk through the store and pick out the toys that would most draw their attention. I was pretty confident that this year's Christmas gift exchange within our family would be an exciting, new adventure for us! The boys would want to open each present with anticipation and be playing all day long for days with their new gifts. My excitement and anticipation of carrying on the traditional activities of the season soon came to an abrupt halt and, truth be told, left me feeling pretty numb with disappointment.
About a year ago, Neil and I decided that we would allow the boys to open one gift each day over the week of Christmas. That way, it wouldn't be so overwhelming for Noah and Judah. This year, since they had so many more gifts from extended family, we were going to take our time and open each gift over a two week period to allow them to really enjoy each gift for a couple days before opening a new one. We were hoping that opening a new present every other night would pique their curiosity about the other gifts, wrapped in pretty paper, under the tree.
The first night went pretty well. It took a little motivation on our part to draw the boys' attention to their gifts that were waiting to be discovered. After a few minutes both Noah and Judah were tearing shiny Christmas paper away from their unknown treasures. Noah opened a box containing an interactive WALL.E toy. Judah found his treasure of a "Stinky Pete" garbage truck that talked and responded to touch. They were both very fond of their new novelties. I asked Noah, "Would you like to open another present?" "No, no, no", came the answer. I laughed. "There is always tomorrow", I thought.
Christmas eve came. I was ready for the bringing in the traditions! We sat down to read out of the Bible. Noah and I had been using nativity figures to act out the story of Jesus. He liked to talk to Jesus: "Hello, baby Jesus" and "Good-bye, baby Jesus". Well, it's a beginning, I thought. At least he is talking to Jesus. After reading the story of baby Jesus being born, Neil and I brought out the presents and let the boys choose one to unwrap. No one was interested. It was like pulling teeth to get them to open their gifts. Of course, we didn't make them open all of them. We only tried to open a couple. Noah kept saying, "No, no, no..." and Judah wouldn't even respond, except for getting a little grumpy that we were making him open his Christmas present!
After what I thought would be our Christmas crescendo came to a crash, Neil and I sat on the couch downstairs processing out loud what had just happened and where we went wrong. What could we have done better? It began to dawn on us that we made Christmas day a little stressful by breaking their routines. The one day that is supposed to be different and more special from all the other days of the year really needed to be as routine as possible, just like any other day, for our sons. This is where my "Christmas crescendo" really bottomed out. How does one make a day special when the demand is for "same-o, same-o"? Routine is what brings comfort to Noah and Judah. Sameness is what they enjoy. Forcing a change in that predictability is far too distressing.
Disappointed expectations, a redirection of dreams, and maybe a little perspective change is in order here. Hmmm....you know what? That is OK. While other boys girls scramble to open unfound treasure under the lights of the Christmas tree, Noah is taking baby Jesus for a walk. In other homes newly purchased toys are scattered abroad from built up anticipation and excitement. In our home, it is peaceful and quiet with the sound of Noah and Judah watching and listening to the "Joy to the World" Praise Baby DVD for the millionth time. Once in a while, I can even hear Noah singing the words to We Three Kings or Oh Come All Ye Faithful.
Every year, I think I learn a little bit more about what the Chrismas crescendo really is. First, it really is about the Baby that was born in someone's "barn" and laid in a feeding trough. If it wasn't for the power of God wrapped, not in pretty paper, but in human flesh, there would be no "crescendo" at all. In fact, there wouldn't be even a song. If my sons can grasp only that concept around the holiday season, that would be the best gift I could receive. In that way, I am kinda' glad they don't fully appreciate the idea of opening gifts. There is nothing to distract them from learning the reason why we celebrate this time of year. Second, being together as a family is so important to us. I am not taking anything away from visiting relatives, but it is so nice to relax and celebrate and enjoy what God has given to our family with the flexibility of being able to just "go with flow". Third, our "crescendo" may not be loud enthusiasm, lots of bright colours, various versions of Jingle Bells and Jingle Bell Rock coming from every room, tons of Christmas decorations in every corner, or a vast array of food overflowing the table to its four corners. I am learning that our Christmas will be filled with great anticipation of Daddy being home, a decent sized tree in one of the rooms with lots of blinking lights, soft music of Away in the Manger in the background, just enough decorations to bring a little extra festive feeling to our home, and a few favourite goodies sitting out on the coffee table for all to share.
I know it is unfashionably belated to say this now, or maybe it is a little too early to say it for next year, but I am saying it anyway. Whether your Christmas seasons are full of Jingle Bells and holly (which I love!) or it is a season of cherishing quiet family moments together or somewhere in between...Merry Christmas! In fact, why say it's too late or too early? Let the crescendo continue everyday! Why make just one day special? If it's really all about Jesus Christ, we need to raise the bar for the other days of the year, too. So, "Merry Christmas" from our family to you and your family everyday for this rest of this year!!!
And since it is almost Valentine's Day, happy Valentine's Day, too!!! ;-)
